Below are the two reviews I received from the people who read the 5,000 word excerpt for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel awards.
Do you agree with them? Disagree? Thoughts and comments welcome.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
Very well written excerpt. The story is engaging and interesting and I think the target audience will relate to Lane and his struggles.
What aspect needs the most work?
From just this excerpt, the order the story is told in seems a little awkward. The complete story might not be that way, but this small section of the story is. Other than that, I thought this piece was great!
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
I really liked this excerpt. I thought the characterization was strong and that the YA audience can relate to the main character. The writing is strong and engaging. I’d like to see how this one ends.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The opening scene is strong. It grabs the reader and pulls him quickly into the story. I could feel Lane’s panic, even as I wondered what his emergency was.
What aspect needs the most work?
The scene in Mr. Lancaster’s AP physics class was the least believable. I’ve been in a lot of AP classes and I’ve been around a lot of serious students. Firstly, I just don’t see a teacher setting class time aside to discuss parallel universes. Secondly, if he did, I don’t see any students trying to redirect the teacher, especially for the reason that “the world is in too much danger.” Thirdly, if he were redirected, I don’t see the teacher speak with scorn towards a serious student. “Mr. Reality, huh Lane?” Mr. Lancaster is a teacher, after all, not a student.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
Although the excerpt opens strongly, the shift from present to past leading back to the present is a little jarring. Maybe opt for a slower pace opening beginning more in chronological order or a past that is further back, developing more background, so that the time shift doesn’t have to occur so frequently.